ALL RELATIONS ARE POWER-RELATIONS.

Am I Honest?

I take immense pride in calling myself honest. Till recently, for me honesty comprised only of- being truthful and never cheating during exams, minor or important. Now there’s something more to it. Honesty of thought. Honesty in action. Those are however not the issues I would like to deal with, now.
When I was quite young, during a minor class-test, I remember refusing to pen down an answer I already knew, because a friend next to me had spoken it out aloud. Most people would perhaps categorise this action of mine under juvenile-stupidity.. but I was proud of my honesty. Since childhood I have never once lied to gain something for myself, neither placated myself by some self-deceiving lies nor tried elevating my position by braggadocio. But a question that perturbs me no end is- how much of this drive for honesty is a part of my individuality? Perhaps this is a result of my upbringing, the immediate environment surrounding me and some ethics inculcated in me. Had I not been a well-cared-for daughter of a happy, economically unconstrained family, would I have been eligible to claim the ethical high-ground for myself as I am now doing? Had I hailed from an economically backward family, with the entire responsibility of the household to shoulder, would I have refused to take recourse to ‘unfair means’ during a crucial course-of-life determining exam? I have no answer to that. I have no answer to that riddle. Perhaps yes, perhaps no. and this brings me to the final question..am I really honest? Or is it just an effect of my surroundings on my mental constitution? After-all honesty, these days is nothing but a psychological imbalance.